Posted November 23, 2018 Hello there fellow people of the identity community, I am reaching out through this forum because I have no one.....not a soul to vent to....not a friend to lean on.....only my child young child who is now left without a father. Just recently I found out my boyfriend of only two years as to whom which I have a child with has a drug problem....meth to be exact. I thought he only had an alcohol problem. This is the saddest situation I have ever had to deal with in my life....for one he has been a part of my one year old boys' life for a year now, broke his promise to fully be there as a father figure and two I have to break it off with this man and separate his son from his father. That alone kills me inside as a mother, to all the women out there who knows this to be the worst pain to go through, taking a father from their son no matter what the reasons be.... My son will now never have his real father in his life due to drugs and the hold it has on this mans soul. Background of it all the father was taken from his mother at the age of 4 due to her being an addict and alcoholic, he was raised by the system and therefore thinks everyone should bend backwards for him no matter what he goes through. Myself; raised by a lovely family that seperated at a young age, but was also raised with an alcoholic mother and became very fairy tale like and vulnerable when it comes to meeting someone new. I was also molested as a child from the age two until the age of 13..... I grow attached too fast and worship the shit out of the person I became involved with because Im just a really nice girl with alot of love...I dont know if that is codependent or what but I can do without a man, its fine. I have to in order to find myself and to grow. I have lost myself in this relationship, believed the lies, felt like I was number one but all along was never.....Ive never been hit before and he has hit me, ive never been thrown on the ground before and that was brutal because my back is all ****ed up now....when he says sorry I believe him and get right back to trusting. The truth is Ive lost myself to a man-child/drug abuser/alcoholic/psychotic and I need some support more then ever now because of this trust that has been broken. As I sit here and ponder what Ive done wrong, why has he chosen this path instead of the sober one with me and my son, do I look ugly, is my personality ugly? Am I a loser? Then I wonder what the hell do I care what people think of me now, the world is crap and its only getting worse, I am just a door mat to these maggots they call people and Im sick of being the best I can be for someone and for them to just throw me away like garbage. Maybe I am garbage? See there I go again looking for reassurance other then my own self.....screw this Im giong to go play my guitar Thanks for listening, Im glad I got that out.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 23, 2018 My partner showed me this and he thought I would be the better one to reply to you. I am so sorry that you have and are going through all these terrible things. I was in an abusive relationship myself. I never thought back then i would be where I am now. That b*****d doesnt deserve you, no matter what he says and drills into your head. He is slapping you down because he knows you can do better then him. The main thing is don't let weak little fleas on ants win! Chin up sweet. You can always private message and I will reply. Don't feel alone! Take care.... Samantha 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 23, 2018 Kate, I know it must be hard for you. If you need to, there's plenty of resources out there to help you, and I'm also here too if you'd rather have a personal talk. Getting out of an abusive relationship isn't easy. I personally haven't been in one, but I've seen many others who struggled with it. When you're left alone, that's the moment where you need someone the most. I'm glad that you actually got here to vent, getting all that out. When keeping it all inside, it fills up like a bucket of water, and eventually it'll be too heavy and overflow. On my personal side of things, I've grown up without even knowing who my dad is. I only assumed that he wasn't the right one for my mother and never bothered asking... Even when my mom one time asked me if I wanted to know. It's just something I got used to and didn't care about. Life isn't made to be easy, you have to stay strong and get back up. Wishing you the best! ~hugs 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted November 26, 2018 Thanks guys I appreciate it. I feel better today went for a long walk with my boy in his sleigh...goood exercise always makes me feel better 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted December 3, 2018 (edited) This post is a little late. The abuse that happened to you isn't your fault it's the people responsible for the abuse. Don't be afraid to tell somebody that you can trust what you're going through and don't be afraid to get help because there is probably someone in your real life that truly does care about you and there's people that do care about your situation even if they might not know you personally. If he's a good father then he'd give up the negative addictions he has for the sake of his son, but he hasn't. If he got clean then there might be chance for him to change but right now if he's being an abusive ******** under the influence of something that made him that way, it is time to let go and direct him to the next rehab center, because someone like you shouldn't have to put up with abuse and put up with risk to your personal and son's safety and future. Don't let other people determine your self worth and translate the love you exude towards other people such as your son and self sustainability, independence, and survival. When you stop caring about what the unreasonable negative people in your life think and say about you, you'll be free when you focus on your own life and the life of your son, but still not closing yourself off to people in your life that really do care about you and that matter and are probably willing to help you and there are ways to get on your feet and start again with resources if you look for it. Decent and real people that can understand your situation and what you're going through won't judge you and will not say anything negative about you relating to your situation. Those people that don't understand? **** them. There's real people and yourself that you can count on to pull through and there's nothing those people can say about you that will change the kind of person you are because that's all in your control, but remember that none of the abuse you're going through and the abuse that happened in your past is your fault. The real people in your life will not turn their backs on you when you need it the most they're there for you through thick and thin, although they might not always agree with you all the time, real people would have your best interest at heart instead of being a negative prescence in your life. Edited December 3, 2018 by LordBenji Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
